5.0 Truthiness

[no_fastolfe]

I hate you. I hate all of you. Except the ones that I don't but I'm afraid if I like them too much they'll abandon me. Even one of my own robots abandoned me and I loved him very much and he's dead. He wouldn't have died if he'd stayed with me and I think he must not have loved me. I was so sure he did.

Every day you show little pieces of your lives and I see how much you are individuals who seek to make the most out of your short lifespan and it terrifies me that there are billions of you on Earth and settling the galaxy because so long as you are insects you could never overrun the Spacer worlds but if you are people then your voices will drown us out and I will not have lived for anything.

I am so afraid of dying now and I hate that the last thing I know before my death will be fear and pain and I hate that there is nothing all Spacer advancement can do about it and I hate all of you.



[OOC: Vasilia is so affected. Not being able to lie to herself is being very damaging. On the other hand, for the first time since she was a weetiny thing she will completely trust people... whether that's good or not.]

Comments

[no_fastolfe]

I am very fond of you and resent it because you cause conflict with my emotions. I hate being reminded that you have sex so frequently and I try not to remember that you are an Earther because I associate euphoric freedom from pain and a feeling of safety with you. I have an irrational desire to defend you from attack but my arguments are transparently based in my own emotion and not any knowledge of medicine.

Doctor Smith told me about dying and it was horrible. I wanted him to hold me like a child because he looks a little like Fastolfe, but not so much that I have the same negative reaction to him.

[toldastory]

I'm sorry, I don't mean to cause conflict with anyone's emotions, and I didn't realize that having sex so frequently was bad. I am also worried you have Erotomania, which is when a patient has feelings for their doctor.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be held like a child. I like being held like a child sometimes, and I hug people loads.

[no_fastolfe]

For both Earthers and Spacers both sex is normative and on Aurora it was a subject of gossip that I did not engage or desire it. Even that feeble little hairdresser Grenionis with his small estate and his facial hair held himself superior to me in that regard and I resent it so much that I resent the very idea. So while I of have what may be romantic feelings for you I would never act on them and I don't want anyone to know about it.

I want to be held but I still fear being touched.

[toldastory]

People are allowed not to want to have sex if that's what they feel. Arguing and gossiping about it with people is wrong. I'm sorry they made yoy feel that way.

I would never have noticed you had romantic feelings for me if you hadn't said if that helps any. I never notice this anymore.

I'm sorry you fear to be touch and I touch you sometimes. I can't help it, it's the doctoring bit in me.

[no_fastolfe]

It makes me feel better to hear your reassurance although I feel that you are patronizing me even though that is not in character for you. I think that about everyone, though.

You touching me to check my temperature was the most pleasant physical contact I have had with a human in twenty-five decade. I hurt too badly to care. I would like you to hug me because you're safe.

[toldastory]

I'm not patronizing you. I don't intentionally patronize anyone really. I always found it horribly insulting when it was done to me. However, now I feel like I'm going to go back and second guess all of my behavior to make certain that I wasn't.

I will hug you if you would like me too. Hugs are the best medicine.

[no_fastolfe]

I take a kind of vindictive satisfaction in knowing I've made you uncertain. I like to feel superior to others. But I am also horrified and I haven't felt like that about my emotional attacks before.

I'm afraid you won't hug me now.

[toldastory]

No, I always keep my word unless something prevents me from doing it. Sometimes I even keep my word when it's bad for me.

[no_fastolfe]

Am I going to be one of those cases? Do you think less of me?

[toldastory]

I don't think you are. And no I don't think less of you.

[no_fastolfe]

I'm pleased by that.

If I come to the infirmary can I have some analgesic pills? Maybe told me that I would feel better if I relaxed and that I should drink. It worked on a temporary basis but when I woke up I had and still have a severe headache.

[toldastory]

If you want to come in, we'll give you something for the headache. You're probably also dehydrated from the alcohol as well.

Damn you autocorrect

[no_fastolfe]

That would be for the best, I think, and then I will dehydrate myself and sleep a while longer.

[toldastory]

I think re-hydrating yourself and having a bit of food before you go back to sleep will help.

[no_fastolfe]

I'm not very hungry. But if you think it best you must be right-- you are a very good doctor.

[toldastory]

You'll feel worse if you don't have something in your stomach. But thank you. Try bread or toast, something with a carb count.

[no_fastolfe]

Toast. Toast sounds appetizing. It's so mild and can be so easily flavored and it's crisp and dry.

I think I want toast. [She wanders away for toast-- but will stop by the infirmary soon for aspirin and possibly a hug]

[toldastory]

[Martha will definitely give both toast and a hug.]